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Do you ever feel like your emotions are running (or ruining) your life?
Causing you to:
You're not alone.
But after years of struggling to control my emotions, I discovered a simple process that changed everything.
It all boils down to three simple steps:
1) Identify the Meaning
2) Challenge the Meaning
3) Choose a New Meaning
Here's the paradox of human emotion:
Your emotions are rarely "right," but they're never accidental.
Emotions are your brain's way of letting you know that something good or bad is happening.
Or rather, that it thinks something good or bad is happening.
Emotions are just messengers.
Like all messengers, sometimes they're right. And sometimes? They're full of shit.
The problem?
Most men take their emotions at face value.
They believe whatever story their emotions tell and then act from that meaning.
But here's the thing:
Feelings aren't facts, they're clues.
Like any good detective, we want to gather as many clues as possible before jumping to conclusions.
And the first step is to simply pause and reflect.
When you experience a negative emotion, whether it's anger, depression, or anxiety––STOP.
And ask yourself:
"What is the meaning driving this emotion?"
Because every emotion, good or bad, is the result of the meaning we give to specific events.
And the first step to changing your emotional world is to first identify and articulate the meaning you give to triggering events.
The easiest way to do this is to:
1) Step back from the situation (if you're in the middle of a heated conversation, ask for 10-minutes to gather your thoughts)
2) Write down the exact emotion you're feeling (anger, fear, anxiety, shame, etc)
3) Write down the meaning creating that emotion. E.g. "The story I'm telling myself is that... "
And then, we move on to step #2:
Once you've identified the meaning, the next step is to challenge it.
Sometimes the meaning is true.
But more often than not, it isn't.
To give you a personal example:
Earlier this week I dealt with a rather annoying "depressive" episode.
I just felt... bad.
Nothing felt exciting. Tasks I normally enjoyed felt like a chore. All of my goals and big ambitions seemed pointless.
The knee jerk meaning my brain created was:
"I hate my life and there's no point to any of this."
Thankfully, because of this framework, I knew better.
Instead of taking my emotions at face value, I dug deeper to discover what was really going on.
And I challenged the meaning by asking myself three simple questions:
1) Is this true?
2) How can I know it's true?
3) Does it have to stay true?
And as I asked and answered these questions...
... The truth became clear.
My life is fucking awesome!
The meaning my brain wanted to create was clearly fallacious (a fancy term for "dog shit").
Which meant I was ready for the next step.
After challenging the original meaning my brain presented, I dug a little deeper and realized the truth.
The problem wasn't my "life."
The problem was I needed to take care of myself!
So I chose a new meaning.
Instead of believing that "I hate my life and there's no point."
I shifted the story to:
"These emotions are my body's way of telling me what it needs."
Specifically, a hard workout, a rare steak, and an afternoon sitting in the sun with a good book.
And guess what?
I was right.
As soon as I tended to my body and gave myself what I needed, that pesky "depression" disappeared and I was back to my upbeat, handsome and incredibly humble self.
I'm using the phrase "CHOOSE" very intentionally.
Because even if the painful meaning IS true and you KNOW that it's true...
... It doesn't have to STAY true.
We always have the opportunity to choose a new meaning.
And from that meaning, new emotions are created.
And from those emotions, new actions.
No matter what's happening in your life, you always have a choice.
You can choose a meaning that destroys you or empowers you.
My invitation is to choose the latter.
The Founder of ManEvolved and the creator of The Unbreakable Experience––a system that's helped more than 10,000 men turn the pain of their breakup into the power they needed to rebuild their life.
I've been working in the men's personal development and relationship space for the better part of a decade and I've had the good fortune to study the principles of human psychology, relationship dynamics, and peak performance under some of the top authors, entrepreneurs, and thinkers in the world.
Today, I use these principles to help high performing men level up every area of their life––mind, body, money, and marriage.
I'm a guinea pig who lives what I teach and I've applied the same systems I share to beat addictions, generate millions of dollars in the market, transform my marriage, and achieve huge personal goals (like traveling the world, running marathons, and competing in BJJ).
